Throw the Grenade
by lxwkl31
Summary: Cryus decides he has to tell Jonah how he feels.
1. Chapter 1

Today was the day. He was done being afraid; done with the constant anxiety; done with keeping it inside. Talking with Buffy helped but it never satisfied the empty feeling that had been growing in the pit of his stomach. Talking to anyone but Jonah made him feel like he was avoiding the situation. But, until this moment, fear had been holding him back.

He was Jonah Beck- un-arguably the coolest kid Cyrus had ever met.

He was literal sunshine in human form. Not liking him was impossible- he didn't have a choice. Those eyes, that smile, those dimples, that laugh. Even his ridiculous vocabulary contributed to his already sufficiently charming personality. Jonah was a wonderful friend and Cyrus knew he could tell him anything and Jonah would be supportive.

So why is he so scared?

Maybe because there was a chance this time Jonah _wouldn't_ be supportive. Maybe this time he'd get uncomfortable and leave and never talk to him again. There is a very real chance that Cyrus could be throwing a grenade on his and Jonah's friendship and that scared him. That scared him more than anything. A life without Jonah Beck would be like living without the sun and Cyrus never did well with dark. Like, at all. Ever.

But not telling Jonah made him feel like he was lying to him and that made him feel worse. Jonah wore his heart on his sleeve. He was totally and completely himself and Cyrus envied him that. He wanted that too.

He waited for Jonah outside The Spoon. It was a nice sunny day with a clear blue sky overhead. Cyrus's palms were sweating and he couldn't stop fidgeting. With every second that passed it was like he could feel Jonah getting closer. The moment was getting closer and closer and soon there would be no turning back. Every person that walked by seemed to know what he was about to do. He could feel their stares, their stifled laughs. Maybe he shouldn't do this. Maybe this crush will run its course and he's just going to cause himself unnecessary pain.

He turns to go and-

"Cyrus!"

Cyrus felt his stomach drop onto the ground.

"Cyrus?"

He turned to see Jonah standing in front of him. He was smiling that goofy smile.

"How's it goin'?" Jonah asked. He gestured toward The Spoon. "You wanna grab something to eat?"

Cyrus opened his mouth but nothing came out.

It felt like an eternity had passed when Jonah said, "Cyrus, are you ok?"

Cyrus sighed. "No."

The light that surrounded him dimmed and his smile turned to concern. "What's wrong? Can I help?" He moved closer.

"Jonah." Cyrus started to feel some shakiness in his hands. "I think I need to talk to you but I'm not sure I know how to say it."

Jonah put a hand on Cyrus's shoulder. "That's ok. We'll figure it out together. Come on."

Jonah led him to the park. They found a tree to sit under far away from anyone who might hear what Cyrus had to say. They sat opposite each other, the look of concern still evident on Jonah's face. After a moment or two of silence he said, "You kind of worrying me Cyrus."

Cyrus looked away. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm really not trying to- I swear! It's just…" _Say it. Say the words._ He looked back at Jonah. "I need to tell you something important… but it's going to change things and I don't want things to change."

"They won't," Jonah said immediately. That made him happy. "Why would things change?"

"They just will. Trust me."

"Cyrus- what is it?"

Cyrus looked away again. He could say these words and look at Jonah Beck at the same time. He didn't want to see the look of disgust. "I…" The words kept getting stuck but Jonah said nothing. He just waited, silently. "I… like you, Jonah."

Jonah laughed. "I like you, too, Cyrus. That's it?"

 _He thinks I mean as friends._ That was like a punch to the gut. "No," Cyrus said. The shaking was getting worse. He could feel every emotion welling up inside of him. He tried to meet Jonah's eyes for as long as he could. "I like you… more than a friend."

Cyrus saw the smile die on Jonah's face and that was all he could take. He pulled up his legs and hid his face. From the darkness he heard Jonah utter one thing.

"Oh."

That's when he let go of everything he was keeping inside. The tears came and ran. When Cyrus lifts his head, Jonah would be gone. That was it. It's over. He lost Jonah.

But at least he would know the truth and Cyrus wouldn't have to lie anymore. He would just sit there, under the tree until the end of time where he belonged.

"Cyrus." It was Jonah. He was still here.

 _Why must the torture continue?_ Cyrus thought.

"Cyrus, can you look at me?" The sound of his voice was kind. Not harsh or judgmental or disgusted. He sounded like Jonah.

"Do I have to?" Cyrus asked.

"Please?"

 _Who could say no to Jonah Beck?_ Cyrus raised his head and looked at the boy sitting across of him. He was smiling.

"Cyrus, thank you for telling me. I know it couldn't have been easy. Um...," He looked down at his hands. He suddenly looked conflicted. "I like you, too. But I don't know if I like you like that." There was a long pause before he spoke again. "I don't really know what I'm feeling. These past few months have been a really confusing time for me. I feel good with Andi but I feel good with you, too. Happy."

"I feel happy with you, too."

Jonah smiled a quick smile. "Good. I'm glad."

"So what happens now?" Cyrus asked.

"I don't know," Jonah said. "I still want to be friends."

"I want to be friends, too."

Jonah nodded. "Good. I don't know what I would do without my biggest fan!"

Cyrus smiled. "Don't worry. I would never let the team down." He rubbed his eyes dry.

Jonah lauged. There was a bit of a pause before he said, "I think I need time to figure out what I want. Who I am."

"I understand." It was enough for Cyrus to know he wasn't losing Jonah. Wherever this was going to go, he'd still have him in his life and that was enough. For now.

"Are you hungry?" Jonah asked.

"Oh, yeah! I feel like I've shaken off ten pounds!"

They laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

As they crossed the street toward The Spoon, the sun was already setting. The sky many shades of amber and red and dark blue. Their favorite eating spot was busy tonight as almost every booth and table was taken by hungry customers.

"Can we even get a table?" asked Jonah, half to himself.

"I hope so," responded Cyrus feeling his stomach. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. Well, not an actual horse. You know what I mean."

Jonah laughed. "You're ridiculous, Cyrus."

Just then, Cyrus saw an empty booth. "There's one! Grab it!"

They both leapt into action and snagged the last one. It was far in the back, a prime spot for privacy- which was fantastic as far as Cyrus was concerned. He was still coming down from his intense bout of anxiety and wasn't ready to be surrounded by strangers quite yet.

"Hmm," said Jonah, looking around. "Amber's not here. Usually she works during this time."

"Yeah, that's weird." Cyrus agreed. Cyrus didn't really know Amber but he knew she was trouble. Or, at the very least, _troubled_.

A young woman stopped at their table holding two glasses of water. "Good evening, gentlemen. I'm Sarah, I'll be your helping you out tonight."

"Is Amber working tonight?" asked Jonah.

"Nope," replied the waitress. "She called in sick. Which sucks because…" She gestured to the crowded house.

"Right," said Jonah.

As she set two menus down on the table she said, "I'll give you a few moments to look things over and be right back." A smile and Sarah was gone.

Jonah picked up his menu and started looking through it. "I don't know why I'm looking at this when I get the same thing every time."

"Yeah, but you like _thinking_ you might get something different. It makes you feel like you tried something different," laughed Cyrus.

Jonah smiled a wide smile. "You know? You're right! You should be a psychologist or a therapist or something!"

"Oh, no," Cyrus said quickly. "There are too many brain people in my house already. Waaaaay too many."

Jonah laughed.

"Thank you, by the way," said Cyrus.

Jonah looked confused. "For what?"

"Earlier. For being so cool about…everything."

Jonah smiled. "Of course. I've been where you are. I know how it feels." That's when his phone rang. He fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen and his face brightened a bit. "Andi's calling. Gimme a sec." Cyrus felt a mild sting in his stomach that disappeared as quickly as it had come. Jonah held the phone up to his ear. "Hello?" The brightness disappeared as his brow furrowed. He looked at Cyrus, "I'll be right back." Jonah got up from the table and began walking toward the front door. He walked outside and lingered by the front door.

In the short time since they sat down, the sun had already gone down. Cyrus could barely see Jonah through the crowd but he knew the conversation he was having with Andi was not a cute couple-y one. Cyrus watched as he seemed to grow more and more frustrated. Jonah looked through the window at him and Cyrus quickly moved his eyes to the menu in front of him. Jonah wanted privacy and staring at him through a window was not that.

That being said, Cyrus couldn't help himself as he was growing increasingly concerned that something was wrong. He looked back up and searched for Jonah but he was no longer outside. Instead, he was quickly making his way back toward the booth. Cyrus noticed he looked…sad.

"I'm sorry, Cyrus," said Jonah as he sat back down.

"Sorry about what?" asked Cyrus, confused.

"I'm going to have to ask for a raincheck. I have things I have to do." Jonah started to get up from the booth.

"Wait, are you ok?" Cyrus asked quickly.

"Yeah. We'll talk later, ok?"

"Okay." Cyrus watched as Jonah walked away again. Something wasn't right. This wasn't Jonah. He got up and followed him out the door. By the time Cyrus reached the street, Jonah was quite a ways ahead. "Jonah!" he yelled.

Jonah turned and faced him. The look he made Cryus quicken his pace until he got close enough to see that Jonah had a few tears on his face.

"Jonah…" Cyrus didn't know what to say. He'd never seen Jonah like this. He didn't know Jonah _could_ look like this. It was like seeing a puppy fly- it just didn't happen.

"I have to go, Cyrus." He turned and continued down the street.

"Wait! What's wrong? What happened?" Cyrus continued after him.

Jonah stopped in front of the park they just left not long before. It was relatively empty at this time but there were a few people here and there. "It's nothing. Really. Please, Cyrus."

Cyrus stood in front of him. "You're not ok. You can talk to me."

Jonah looked at him a couple seconds, conflict written on his face. Cyrus could tell he didn't want to talk about it. Finally, he said, "I keep messing things up." He looked away like he was ashamed.

"Impossible." Jonah Beck could never mess anything up. Ever. It was pretty much common knowledge that Jonah Beck could improve any situation.

"Really?!" There was an edge to Jonah's voice. "How would you know?"

The sudden outburst stunned Cyrus. "I-…"

"You wouldn't. You wanna know what this was about?" He held up his phone. "Amber wasn't at work because she and Andi got in a fight."

"A _fight_? Is Andi okay?!"

"Not a fist fight or anything like that. They yelled at each other," Jonah said dismissively. "Apparently, Amber told Andi that I wanted to get back together and that set Andi off."

Jonah didn't look sad any more. He looked angry. "Why would she say that?"

Jonah threw his hands up. "I have no idea! I mean, I told her I wanted to try to be friends again. Maybe she took it another way." The edge was beginning to leave his voice. He was softer now. "I really don't know, Cyrus. Every time I try to be a good person it comes back to bite me."

Cyrus was silent. How do you comfort someone you thought would never need it?

Jonah looked away. "I don't know what to do. I thought they were friends. I thought things were finally getting better."

"I thought so too." Cyrus put his hand on his shoulder. As soon as he made contact, Jonah began to cry. Cyrus pulled him in and hugged him.

"I'm sick of being Jonah Beck."

Cyrus pulled away. "What do you mean?"

Jonah turned and walked toward a nearby bench. "All of it," he said as he sat down. "Everyone expects me to be this happy-go-lucky guy twenty-four-seven. And I try to be that for them. I really do. I want to make people happy. I like making people happy. But…" He looked at him. "I'm tired, Cyrus."

Cyrus's heart broke for his friend. He walked over and took a seat next to him. "I'm sorry, Jonah. I had no idea."

"I know you didn't. That's ok." He looked out toward the passing traffic. "I wish I could just fix everything."

"You think this thing between Andi and Amber is your fault?" Cyrus asked incredulously.

"Isn't it? If I had never become friends with Andi, Amber wouldn't have gotten jealous. If I hadn't tried to be friends with Amber, Andi wouldn't be angry. I'm even hurting you."

Cyrus couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Jonah, what happened between Andi and Amber had nothing to do with you. Amber chose to say that stuff to Andi. Andi should be mad at her not you. And how are you hurting me?"

"I've seen you, Cyrus. The past couple months- you've been different." Cyrus could feel his heart rate quicken. "I didn't know why but, after today, it all makes sense. I wish you would've told me sooner. I could have helped or something."

Cyrus shook his head. "There would have been nothing you could do. In fact, I wouldn't have wanted you to do anything." Cyrus wanted to comfort his friend more than anything else in the world right now. "Look at me. You make happy just by being around. If I'm having a bad day all it takes is a moment with you and I've forgotten all about it." Jonah's eyes were fixed on Cyrus's. "I wouldn't give up a single second of the last few months. Not one. I like you the way you are, Jonah Beck."

"Even now?"

Cyrus smiled. "Especially now."

Jonah smiled back. "Thank you." He leaned in and wrapped his arms around Cyrus.

He had hugged him several times in the past but this one was different. He and Jonah were now closer than they had ever been, figuratively and literally, and Cyrus felt warm. His stomach was a flutter as the embrace continued.

They parted as Jonah said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Don't worry about it," Cyrus said with a smile. "I've been yelled at worse than that."

Jonah laughed a little. "You're a good guy, Cyrus."

"Thanks, Jonah. You too."

"Can, um…" He looked at his clock. "Can we hang out again tomorrow? I believe I owe you dinner."

"Sure! I never turn down food."

They laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

The day started with a text.

 _Thank you_ , it said. _Ya know, for being there for me last night_.

Cyrus had been smiling ever since he read it.

 _I've never really talked about that stuff before. It helped._

 _You can talk to me about anything_ , Cyrus had responded. _Besides, it was only fair that you had your emotional breakdown moment after I had mine.  
_  
 _Haha definitely. Hey, I'm totally excited for tonight!  
_  
He and Jonah we're going to dinner again and Cyrus would be lying if he weren't excited, too. And a little more excited to find out Jonah was excited.

 _We gotta make sure tonight is nothing but fun! Just us bros having a good time!_

Despite trying very hard, Cyrus was not a 'bro' but it made him a bit more confident to hear Jonah include him.

 _You got it, bro! Just fun!_

All Cyrus had to do was figure out what being a "bro" meant.

•••••••••

The day had gone by pretty fast. Cyrus spent most of it daydreaming about what he and Jonah were going to talk about at dinner. Were they going to talk about their confessions? That didn't strike Cyrus as very fun so he discarded the possibility- which gave him a bit of relief. What about sports? He might be able make it through the briefest conversation about ultimate frisbee but beyond that he was lost in the weeds. Maybe he could get Jonah talking. He liked it when Jonah talked about things he liked. He lights up and gets happy in a way that's contagious.

When Cyrus walked into The Spoon, Jonah was already seated. He was all the way in the back in the booth they had sat in the night before. Jonah smiled wide when he noticed Cyrus and waved him over excitedly.

"Hi!" Jonah said as Cyrus sat down.

"Hi!" Cyrus responded.

"Round two." Jonah pulled out his phone and laid it on the table. "I even turned my phone off."

"You did?" Cyrus asked. Jonah nodded, grinning wide. Cyrus could help but smile too. Those dimples of his had that affect. Cyrus reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone as well. He pressed the power button and watched as the screen went black. "Boom. Off the grid."

Jonah laughed.

After their dinner Jonah suggested the go for a walk through the park since neither one of them wanted to go home yet. The sun had disappeared from the sky and a bright moon surrounded by a sea of stars took it's place. The park was nearly abandoned except for a few couples here and there who had had the same idea they did.

The air was cool in the way only an autumn night could be. They started down a path lit on either side by tall, old looking lamps. Cyrus never really noticed them except, at night, the light they gave of seemed to make the entire park glow.

"So," Jonah began. "Who is Cyrus?"

Cyrus was confused by the question. "Who am I?"

"Yeah. I feel like I don't really know you even though we hang out all the time."

Cyrus thought for a moment. "Hmm. I guess you're right. I don't really talk about myself, do I?"

Jonah just looked at him, waiting. For a moment Cyrus got lost in his gaze. " You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I was just curious."

Cyrus snapped back to reality. "No, sorry of course I'll talk about... me. I'm not very good at it but I'll try." That made Jonah smile. Cyrus felt his face heat up. "Where do I even start?"

"Cat person or dog person?"

"Definitely dog person. Dogs are so wholesome and beautiful and great and I want them all. What about you?"

"I like both. But I lean a little more towards dogs. How about superpower?"

"Like what one would I have?" Jonah nodded. "I've never thought about that before. Probably to turn invisible. I can think of many times in my life where I could've avoided some embarrassing moments."

Jonah laughed. "Yeah, like when you threw up on that ride at the fair? That was gnarly."

He nudged Jonah. "Thanks for bringing it up!"

"How about your favorite color?"

Cyrus looked at him. "Easy! Green."

Jonah nodded. "Ok, ok. I see you, green."

"What's your's?"

"Blue. But like dark blue. Like navy."

Cyrus nodded. He didn't know what to say next. He was terrible at this.

After a moment Jonah asked, "Why green?"

"I don't know," Cyrus responded. "I kind of started liking it recently. I don't really have an explanation. Why blue?"

"It reminds me of the ocean."

"The ocean gives me anxiety. All that openness." Cyrus shuddered.

Jonah laughed. "I used to go to the beach all the time with my mom." His face lost a little of it's light. "It's been a while since we did that. I kind of miss it."

"I'll take you." Cyrus declared. "It'll be great. You can see the ocean again and I'll stand as far away as possible and wave."

He smiled. "I'd love that. You better follow through."

"Oh, I will. My word is my bond." Cyrus put two thumbs up and smiled real big. That made Jonah laugh and he felt like he was walking on air. "How's Andi doing? She won't talk to me about Amber."

"She's still angry." Jonah said, a little somber. "She won't really talk to me either."

"Things aren't getting much better, huh?"

"Not really." Jonah suddenly smiled, like he flipped a switch. "I'm sure she just needs time to be upset."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's it. Things will be back to normal in no time."

They made it to the other side of the park and it was time for Cyrus to head home as it was getting late and his curfew was fast approaching.

"I had a really good time tonight. I'm glad we did this."  
Cyrus said.

"Me too." Jonah smiled again. Except something seemed... off. "Hey, I'll see you tomorrow. Ok?"

"Yeah, definitely."

"Cool." Jonah said. Then he hugged him. This time a flutter in his stomach accompanied the heat on Cyrus's face. When they parted Jonah said, "I really did have a good time. Thanks, Cyrus."

"We should do it again sometime." Cyrus made finger-guns at him and he laughed again. "You ok going home? We're pretty far from your house aren't we?"

"Oh, I have to do one other thing before I go home. I'll be fine. Thanks for the concern, though. You're awesome, Cyrus."

"You're awesome, too, Jonah."

For a moment they just looked at each other. Cyrus kind of didn't want it to end.

"Ok, see you later!" With that he turned and went.

When Cyrus got home, he found his mom in the Kitchen. She was sitting at the table working on her laptop. When she heard him enter she turned and greeted him with a smile. "Hey, honey. How'd your date go?"

Cyrus blushed. Hard. "Mom, it wasn't a date! It was just dinner with a friend."

"Sorry! Sorry. How'd your _dinner_ go?"

Cyrus took a seat next to his mom. "It was great. We had a good time."

A big smile slowly spread across her face. "You went with Jonah, right?"

Cyrus nodded.

"He's a cutie!"

"Mom!" Cyrus was blushing even harder now.

"What? He is! My son has great taste, what can I say?" She laughed as she returned to her work. "You get it from me, ya know?"

Cyrus put his head on the table and groaned.

"Honey, lift your head up. We eat on this table. Up, up, up."

Cyrus lifted his head. "I told him how I felt."

The clacking of his mom's keyboard stopped. She was staring at him now, disbelief all over her face. "No you didn't."

"I did." Her mouth opened into a half smile, half gasp. Her face froze like that for a good few moments before Cyrus said, "Mom?"

She quickly covered her mouth with both of her hands. "My boy!" She muffled through her hands. She stood up and hugged him tight. "My boy is so brave!" She sat back down. "Tell me! Tell me everything! How'd it go? What'd he say? When did this happen?"

"Not how you think. And it was yesterday."

"And you're only telling me this now?" She snapped, angrily. "I'm your mother!"

"I'm telling you now, aren't I?"

She pointed a finger at him, " Don't you get smart with me!" Just then a knock came at the door. "We're not done, young man." She got up and left the room to answer the door. Cyrus heard her open the door and what followed could only be described as a 'squee'.

When she returned to the kitchen she had a big smile on her face. Cyrus was confused until, behind her, he saw him.

Jonah.

His mom winked and said, "I'll be upstairs." She left them alone together.

Cyrus stood up. "Jonah? Is everything ok?"

Jonah walked over to where Cyrus was standing by the table. "Yeah. Everything's great actually!"

"Then what's up?" Cyrus asked, still very confused.

"I, uh… I broke up with Andi tonight."

Cryus was shocked. "What? Why? What happened?"

"Things just didn't feel right. I wasn't as… happy… as I thought I should be, Tonight…" He struggled with the words. It was almost as though he was nervous. "Spending time with you tonight- it felt… good. Like, _really_ good." He looked down at his shoes. "Like how I was supposed to feel with Andi or even Amber. Being with them felt like something I was supposed to do, you know? It didn't feel… genuine." Cyrus could feel a stirring deep in his stomach. It was building with each word. "When I'm with you, I feel like I'm really myself. That I can _be_ myself."

"What are you saying, Jonah?"

Jonah took his hand and then he kissed him. It was small and light. "I want to be with someone who gets me. I want to be with you."


	4. Chapter 4

"Wh- what just happened?" Cyrus was in shock. He couldn't be sure but he thought Jonah Beck just kissed him.

"For as long as I can remember, I've walked around with this feeling inside me. I didn't know what it was or what to call it or how to get rid of it. As long as it was there, I never felt… right. Over the past couple years, I've kind of gotten used to it. I guess I just accepted it as part of my life. But, when I'm with you I don't' feel it. I feel… comfortable. I feel right and I don't want that to go away."

Cyrus nodded. "An- and the kiss?"

Embarrassment flashed across Jonah's face. "Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it! That was wrong, I'm sorry!"

Cyrus sighed. "Thank god. I thought I imagined it."

"DON'T TAKE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN!"

The voice came from the living room. "Mom? Are you eavesdropping?"

"Of course not! Don't be ridiculous!"

"She's not!" He heard his dad say.

"Dad? When did you get here?" _What is happening?_

He saw both of his parent's heads pop out from behind the kitchen entrance. His mom made her way over to Jonah with her hand extended. "Hi, I'm Cyrus's mom." Jonah took it and shook. "We haven't met but I've gone to some Space Otters games with Cyrus. He loves you- _IT_! He loves it." She looked over at Cyrus and winked. _Oh my god._ Jonah looked over with a stupid, wonderful grin.

His father soon followed. "I'm Cyrus's dad. I don't know who you are at all."

"Nice to meet you," Jonah said with a nervous laugh.

"So! What're we talking about?" Cyrus's mom asked, grinning ear to ear. Cyrus knew full well that she knew exactly what they had been talking about.

"Mom!" She looked at her son, oblivious. "Privacy? Please?"

"Oh! Of course! Sorry!" She turned to his Cyrus's dad. "Let's leave them alone, honey. I think it's important." She took her husband by the hand and led him passed Cyrus. Before she left, she leaned down and whispered, "We have snacks in the cabinet. Use them well." She patted Cyrus's back and escaped the kitchen.

Cyrus didn't realize it but he had been very tense. It wasn't until he looked at Jonah that he let it all go. He was smiling.

"I love your parents," he said. "That was amazing."

"Come home to it every day and you might think differently." Cyrus looked around. "You hungry?"

Jonah laughed. "No, I'm good." He stuck his hands in his pockets. "So? What do you say?"

Cyrus hesitated- something he never saw coming when he imagined this moment so many times. "What about Andi?" he asked.

"Andi?"

"I thought you were happy with her. She's my best friend. What do I tell her?"

"I was happy!" There was conflict in his voice.

"Obviously not." Cyrus said. He regretted the words almost instantly.

"Or, at least, I thought I was. I don't know. Why do we have to tell her?"

"How could we not? You don't think she'd find out the second she sees us holding hands?"

Jonah let out an irritated sigh. "This is all so confusing." He went over to the table, took a seat, and put his head in his hands. "I thought you would be happy."

Cyrus walked over and took the seat next to him. "Of course, I'm happy! I've wanted this since I met you!"

Jonah lifted his head. Tears were starting to form in his eyes. "Then what's wrong?"

Cyrus opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

When he told Jonah how he felt, he never imagined a future like this. A future where Jonah Beck turned up in his kitchen asking to be his boyfriend. He had wished for it, sure. But those were just wishes. In wishes, you don't have to think about the consequences. In wishes, your friends don't get hurt and everything works out.

Everyone's happy.

But, if the universe decides to grant your wish, it's almost never how you saw it. Often there are twists. Twists that make you wish you'd never wished in the first place. What you're left with is regret and pain.

Cyrus has now seen Jonah cry twice. Both times in pain and both times because of him. He caused this.

"Jonah… I'm sorry."

Jonah was staring at his hands. "I don't… understand you." There was an edge to his voice. "Why did you tell me all those things? Why did you tell me you have feelings for me only to turn me away when I tell you I have them too?"

Cyrus thought a moment. "I guess I never thought it would actually happen."

"Yeah, well…," Jonah began as he looked Cyrus in the eye. "It did." He got up and left the kitchen. After a moment Cyrus heard the front door open and close. Jonah was gone.

He felt numb.

 _Please let this be a nightmare._

"Ooooooooh! My baby boy has a boyfriend!" Cyrus's mom came into the kitchen, dancing, followed by his dad. "My boy has a-," her voice cut off when she saw her son. She rushed over to the table and took Cyrus's hand. "Baby, what's wrong? What happened?"

"He left," was all Cyrus could get out.

"Why?" she asked softly and with concern only a mother could have. Cyrus then began to burst with tears and she grabbed him and held him tight. "It's ok, honey. It's ok," he heard her whisper. "It's ok."

The next few days were a blur. Cyrus tried to talk to Jonah but every text, every phone call was ignored. He even tried to go to Jonah's house but he wasn't there.

He wasn't at school Monday, either. He had asked Andi if she had heard anything from him but she hadn't.

"We're not really talking, anyway," she said as she took a bite of her lunch.

"Why?" Cyrus asked. She still hadn't told him about their breakup. Cyrus found that odd considering they told each other everything.

Or, at least, they used to.

"He's been really strange lately. Like he just flipped a switch."

"How so?"

"Can we not talk about Jonah?" Andi pleaded. "I'm sure he's fine…"

"Ok."

Just then, Buffy took a seat at their table. "Hi, friends!"

"Hi!" Cyrus responded with a half-hearted smile.

Andi never looked up from her tray.

Buffy looked over at Cyrus and mouthed, _What's wrong with her?_

Cyrus shrugged.

After school was over, Cyrus caught up with Buffy at her locker.

"Hey," he said as he approached her. "Can I talk to you?" He was nearly trembling with anxiety. Andi had basically avoided Cyrus the rest of the day and the stress was starting to kill him.

"Can it wait?" she asked as she pulled out her gym bag from her locker. "I have basketball practice."

"Not really. Buffy, I feel like I'm going to explode."

Instantly, she put her bag back in her lock and took Cyrus arm. "Come with me."

She took him outside, where there was fresh air, and toward the bleachers. There was a sort of a nook where he, Buffy, and Andi would hang out after school. He missed that.

"What's going on?" she asked as she eased him to the ground. They sat across from each other and she took his hands in hers.

"I told him," he said quickly.

"Jonah?" She asked. Cyrus nodded. "Ok. You told him. What happened?" Her face grew hard. "Did he say something mean?"

"No!" Cyrus said quickly. Buffy's rage was something to behold. "He would never."

"Then what happened?"

"He kissed me." Buffy's face went to one of shock. "He broke up with Andi and he told me he wanted to be with me because I made him feel right."

Buffy was silent. She was still processing what she had just heard. "Wha- what did you say?" she asked.

"I told him I couldn't."

"What? Why? I thought that's what you wanted- oh." Understanding dawned on her face. "Andi."

Cyrus nodded.

"Cyrus, I'm sorry." She reached over and hugged him. "I know that was very hard for you."

"Is it bad that I wanted to say yes?" he asked. "Does that make me a bad friend?"

"I think it makes you human," she said. "You love him, Cyrus. Love changes us, makes us do things we never thought we would do."

"When did you become so wise?" Cyrus asked as he laid down in her lap.

" _A lot_ of teen dramas."

Cyrus laughed. After a moment he asked, "What do I do, Buffy? I think Andi knows. She won't talk to me."

"I think she's just sad," she said as she began running her hand through his hair. It was what she always did to comfort him. "She loved him, too."

Cyrus knew she didn't intend it to but that made him feel worse. "I'm the worst, Buffy."

Buffy shushed him, gently. "No, you're not, Cyrus. I think you should just talk to her. She deserves to know."

He thought about it and said, "I don't think I can."

"Why?" she asked.

"Were you scared to tell Jonah you had feelings for him?"

Cyrus nodded.

"Then what makes this any different?"

There were still lights on when he got to her house. Bex came to the door when he knocked. "Oh! Hi, Cyrus!"

"Is Andi here?"

"Yeah," she said as she stepped aside. "She's up in her room!"

"Thanks," Cyrus said and walked up the stairs.

He stood in front of her door for several seconds then finally knocked. Andi opened the door and, in that instant, all his courage left him.

"Cyrus? What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I-," he began. "I need to talk to you. About Jonah."

She stood there for a moment as if contemplating closing the door in his face. Instead, she turned and went to sit on her bed. Cyrus took that for an invitation and followed her inside, closing the door behind him.

"So?"

Cyrus sat down next to her. "I'm about to tell you some… things about me. Things you don't know." He felt his mouth going dry already. "It's hard."

Andi just looked at him. Waiting.

"For a while now, I've felt different. Not the usual different, not 'good' different. This is the kind of different that makes me feel like I'm not… the same as everyone else." _Quit beating around the bush,_ Cyrus thought. "This is the part that might be hard to hear, ok?" Cyrus saw her tense as she waited for the blow. She nodded. "A little while ago, I started getting feelings for…" He couldn't say his name. After he said his name, there would be no going back and his life will forever change and maybe he's not ready for that, yet. "For-."

"Jonah," she finished.

Cyrus was stunned. How could she know?Did Buffy tell her? Did Jonah?

"I'll be honest. I didn't put the pieces together until today."

 _What is she talking about?_ he thought. _What pieces._

"Ever since he and I started dating you haven't been the same." She let out a small laugh, "For a little bit I thought you had a crush on _me._ "

Silence hung in the air for what seemed like hours. Cyrus didn't know what to say. He was still in shock.

"He broke up with me, ya know?" she said nonchalantly. "For so long I wanted to be the girlfriend of Jonah Beck. The Jonah Beck." She shrugged, "And then I was. And it was great! I would have fought a thousand Ambers to keep him. Then I realized, maybe, I was more in love with _idea_ of Jonah than Jonah himself." Andi rolled her eyes. "Bex's words. We had a long talk today. I didn't want to be that person." She let out a sigh. "I knew she was right because when he broke up with me I didn't feel… anything. He was more of a prize than a boyfriend, I guess." Andi made a face. "Realizing that made me feel disgusting. I don't blame him for dumping me. I would've dumped me too." She looked over at Cyrus. "I can't imagine what it must've felt like to see me with him. I'm sorry."

Cyrus shook his head. "Don't be sorry. I just wanted you to be happy."

Andi smiled. "I want you to be happy too." She wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in closer. "Do you still like him?" she asked.

"I don't think it matters anymore," he answered.

"Why?" she asked.

"He hates me."

"Jonah doesn't hate people. Especially you."

 _Especially me._ "Then why is he ignoring me? Where is he?"

Andi was silent a moment. "There's a place he goes to when he's upset."

By the time he got there, the sun was setting over the trees and the park lamps were beginning to come on. Far on the east side was a small clearing and, in the center, was a basket stuck into the ground by a pole. Off to the side was Jonah. He was sitting, tossing frisbees into the basket.

"So," Cyrus began as he approached him. "This is where you've been all day?" Jonah didn't say anything. His focus was completely on the basket. Cyrus had an overwhelming sensation that he should leave and spare Jonah any more pain. "Jonah, I know you hate me-."

"I don't hate you."

Relief swelled within him. "…You don't?"

"Of course not." His eyes were still on the basket as he threw another frisbee.

"I thought you might."

Jonah was aiming another frisbee when he stopped. "Come here." he said. Cyrus followed the command and sat down next to his friend. "Why'd you come here?" he asked. "How'd you find me?"

"I talked to Andi. She knows everything."

Jonah nodded. He didn't seem surprised.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted the other night." Cyrus said.

"This got very out of hand, didn't it?"

Cyrus laughed. "Yes it did."

"Why'd you say no?" Jonah asked.

"I didn't say no."

"Cyrus." Jonah said, pointedly.

"I- I was scared."

"Of what?" Jonah asked, confused.

"Hurting more people."

Jonah nodded. "What's changed?"

"Turns out the people around me are stronger than I gave them credit for. And they care about me. A lot."

Jonah smiled. "Yes, they do."

Cyrus couldn't help but smile, too. "Do you forgive me?"

Jonah considered a moment. "Of course, I do," he said. "Do you forgive me?"

Cyrus looked into Jonah's beautiful green eyes. There was nothing Cyrus could not forgive when it came to Jonah. He was Jonah Beck. "Absolutely. I forgive you."

Jonah smiled. "Good." Together they spread out on the grass and stared up at stars just beginning to dot the sky above them. "Do you like me?" he asked.

"Yes." Cyrus said with no hesitation. "Do you like me?"

"Yes." Jonah turned his head and looked him in the eyes. "That's good enough for me. Is that good enough for you?"

"Yes."

Jonah nodded and smiled. "Good," he said as he took Cyrus's hand in his. "Good."

The end.


End file.
